killer tune kills me
Letting go is still rough... Of course it is.
My intuition feels like it's been pulled in so many angles. Stretched from spring to spring like the woven fibers on your neighbors trampoline. "Go with your gut." Is hard advice for someone who's innards are still sprawled all over the floor.
I have a second date tomorrow. The kind of thing that only happens by chance. He left me with a side hug and no follow up for at least 3 weeks now? Suddenly very eager to plan a second outing. A former boot boy who's politic I still can't get a finger on. I'm not so much taking him out as I have dragged him into something I'm going to do anyway. He'll spend his time getting mad dogged by an old Samoan and watching my attention stretch over a whole room in kayfabe, he'll see too much, more than he could ever hope to swallow. No expectations on my end. Tossing scrap into the deep fryer, no attachment or expectation, just to see if it floats. Who knows, maybe it'll be delicious, but it'll probably just burn into old shoe leather. My daughter thinks it's been too long since I've gotten laid.
Retrograde continues, the wheel continues to turn. "He could have had at least 2 decades of meaningful partnership". That's a wild fucking number, I'm glad friends think so highly of me.
It'll continue to eat at me, I'll keep putting that energy elsewhere. Sifting through shards of glass to live the life you want. I need to shut the fuck up about the Weakerthans...