joe camel and the ideal man
They ran out of lucky strikes at the gas station by my house, I opted away from my usual Marlboro golds for the camel blue 99s.
An odd choice but I find a nostalgia, mostly for my childhood, associated deeply with the smell of "Turkish blend".
I had thoughts about the things we let come and go. Things that we dabble in only for brief moments, before embracing what feels like our normal.
A friend of mine I'd consider a brother asked me why girls ghost. I was caring in response, but filled with feelings about all those things I've taken for myself, morning to night, vice versa, until deciding that they weren't for me beyond that brief time in the sun. Taking all those things into consideration brought me back to the blue 99s, I had bought a second pack, thought about the lower nicotine content and the higher price tag... Thought about sticking with them until Friday. I didn't though, back to luckies in time for Christmas Eve.
It's the difference of flavor, a reminder of all the places you could be or could have been. Maybe that's where I saw things, non divergent, lucky strikes... Your red to my golds...
But now I sit here in front of a pack of Marlboro reds reluctant to wash itself down with cheap mash. I think about the fantasy, do I long for what seems to simply fit, or for places I can inhale only for the length of a weekend?
A new year is coming, changes are inevitable. I'm doing my best to fall into the water. Friction gives us two choices. The thing about the raging sea is that I still need to breathe, take in what's at the surface waiting for me. I can't help but wonder if you or who should ever make the same choice, what shore I'm destined for in the aftermath...
Clinging to these feelings is a comfort, the same brand every other day. I like them, why would I ever want to switch. But I feel like the only way I'll be on my own is flexibility... I thought I was that breath for you, the edge off, but even when they're out of luckies... You'd buy camel reds...