Because of the shame
I heard you got married today. Congratulations! Truly, honestly, I mean it!
I hope your parents get along with the world better. I hope he can keep promises he makes. I hope your new kid likes you. I hope your new home is a happy one.
I'll admit when I first heard I was filled with concern. I know you, although you probably don't really know me anymore. I like it that way...
I've spent 5 years in constant metamorphosis. You've watched me change, I watched you wonder why I couldn't stay right there where you were. I left, I didn't stop changing, I molded and flowed across rocks mud and sticks. You looked for stillness in my water and could never find it.
I think I worry about the place I left you, like you'd never learn how to pour yourself into new valleys. But, now youve ended up in the mirage a place I've always searched for.
We chased castles on the horizon, never the same one. I'd like to think you've found yours. Chasing mine has become a palace all it's own.
I hate to say you're doing better at it than I have. Comparison is the death of all things.
Goddamit tonight I can't help it though.
I hope the friends who came were happy and supportive. I hope they outnumbered your family.
I hope you both looked your best, The cake was sufficient and beautiful, the reception wasn't sober... It probably was...
You left me as someone who wasn't able to feel proud of herself. I left you as someone I couldn't see myself being proud of... Brutal.
I'd like to say that I'm proud of who you've become, what you have, what you are. The reality is I'll never know it, you'll never know me either. Fantasy will have to do I guess.
For all the gore I could look back on, it doesn't really seem worth it.
You loved me when I was a tadpole and you were a fish.
Far more than a tadpole now. I'll let you imagine what I could find on the other end of the river.