Almond Year
Today, for the first time in 32 years, I found the almond in my rice pudding. A point of pride that for the first time I can look into a superstitious tradition and say "It's my Almond Year!!". A feeling so prideful and maligned I want to scream it into the air...
With love around me I saw your busted look today and never once met eye to eye. The truth of the eyes hidden with such admittance it might as well have broken my heart a thousand times, I've grown a thousand ways, you've lied in what feels more abundantly.
"Don't be a stranger" rules like a command to part you from your complicit role, one that now you fully acknowledge, I can say with confidence you grasp so tightly yet those straps I cross time and time again still fall to the floor with the laundry and goodwill. Why shouldn't something feel so viciously when it held everything it ever wanted? This shouldn't be so hard, you're afraid, and I'm peeling back layer upon layer of conditioned and sharpened avarice just to keep you safe and suspended so I can protect the love I deserve and you haven't the clue of whether or not you should even be so privileged...
A simple "Hi..." Would do... Turning your back on the moment that was shared precisely a year previous...
But now I'm calm, I've wept in my daughter's arms like she's a demigod I was lucky to ever foster.
The final nail in the coffin... Putting it all to bed, putting it all away while I apologize for all I've done to myself. The smokes taste the same, the beer flows with the same affection, the wheel turns, and I can forget what I'm ever even crying about. It's my Almond Year...