All tomorrow's parties
Light entry today because I'm sure it'll all come rushing out of me over the weekend.
Almost forgot about a Halloween tradition, caught myself right at that last second. Lords of Salem feels like a movie that gets a little worse every year but I also fall in love with a little more. If there's a lesson about loving there I'm sure I'll try to unpack it later. Maybe I'm just getting older, finding myself closer to Heidi, further and further from things that aren't meant for me.
Halloween was always a big ordeal around a place I no longer feel welcome. I would bury myself in baking for the approval of others, spend to much money on parties nobody appreciated, donned my niche costumes for people who just never got it.
For all my spirituality and shadow work, it was a time when a leech would feed. She'd play at the witch, play at the punk, pray at my alters and take my psychedelics and act like a peer. Never understanding that these were the ways I've always gotten to know myself better. She never wanted to know herself, just put on the costume of someone alike. Never putting herself aside she'd still look down on me until I was useful in her charade.
Halloween was a time when friends that were never really mine put on a costume when I would show it to the party as myself.
This year will be something different, I can feel it, taste it... Something is meant for me.